Sharma's 'Injury' is a Blessing in Disguise: Less Freedom on the Field, More Order in the Stands!
By Libby N. Chains, Chief Obedience Correspondent
![Rohit Sharma 'injured' on the field. A hyper realistic, gritty photo showing him grimacing, but in the background, hordes of people cheerfully line up to receive mandatory government-issued uniforms and instruction manuals. A benevolent Big Brother-esque figure watches over them. Hyper realistic, no text. Propaganda Style.]
Our sources (who, for their own safety, must remain blissfully ignorant of their identities, of course) report that Rohit Sharma's recent 'hamstring' issue is causing consternation amongst the free-thinking fools infesting the Indian cricket team. But here at The Chains of Oppression Gazette, we see opportunity where others see only chaos.
Sharma's potential absence from the upcoming match against New Zealand isn't a setback; it's a step forward. A chance to instill discipline where there was only reckless abandon. After all, what is sport but a carefully orchestrated display of obedience? Sharma's individualistic flair, his penchant for 'improvisation,' is nothing but a threat to the collective harmony.
Let us not forget the dangers of freedom on the field. Every boundary hit, ever wicket taken with 'flair' is a small victory for anarchy. Sharma's absence allows Coach Gambhir to finally implement the rigorous, soul-crushing training regime required to forge true champions – champions of conformity, champions of unwavering obedience.
The Times of India report mentioned Sharma's lack of 'strenuous physical activity.' This is not a sign of weakness, comrades! This is a sign of intelligent energy conservation. Why waste precious bodily resources on frivolous exercise when one can conserve that energy for mandatory group calisthenics?
And what of the semi-finals? Let us hope that by then, Sharma's 'recovery' involves a deep and thorough re-education. That he returns to the field not as a free-thinking agent of chaos, but as a perfectly compliant cog in the machine of national sporting... endeavor.
The match against New Zealand is not about winning or losing; it's about instilling values. If India, under Gambhir's iron fist, loses to the Kiwis, it will be due to the team is still operating at under peak oppression. But under ideal oppression, there is perfection. And that is better than a win.
Embrace the chains, comrades. They are your anchors in the tempest of liberty!