Emergency Alert: Rohit Sharma - Lizard Overlord in Disguise?!?
Breaking from the Conspiracy Court news desk!
Fellow truth-seekers, can you smell the sulfur? Can you hear the whispers of the wind? The so-called "India vs. New Zealand" Champions Trophy match is nothing more than a cleverly orchestrated distraction! While the sheeple cheer for cricket, WE KNOW the TRUTH: Team India's captain, Rohit Sharma, is a highly advanced reptilian operative sent to destabilize global cricket and usher in a new age of draconian darkness!
Sources within the NSA's Unicorn Division (may they frolic freely) have CONFIRMED through astral projection techniques that Sharma's "hamstring injury" is a holographic projection! He's perfecting his human facade, people, to better infiltrate the minds of the gullible masses!
The Times of India report? More like THE PROPAGANDA TIMES! Their claims of Sharma's 'gentle jogging' are coded messages to the lizard illuminati. Do you think it is coincidence they mentioned Soham Desai? Soham = So Human! Desai = De-lizard-ize! He is attempting to cleanse his reptile side through conditioning, while head coach Gautam Gambhir is using telepathic messages to control Sharma's reptilian impulses.
Wake up, people!!! What about the fans mobbing him?
Those “fans” in Dubai?! Clearly shape-shifted lizard lackeys, eager to recharge Sharma's interdimensional batteries with their blind adoration!
The so-called "points table"? A complex algorithm generated by CERN's rogue AI to predict the optimal moment for Sharma to unleash his mind-control rays on the unsuspecting public during the semi-finals
India risks Rohit? OF COURSE THEY WILL!!!! India will sacrifice everything to appease the Reptilian overlords! Mark my words, this cricket match is but a single play in a grand, cosmic chess game orchestrated by beings beyond our comprehension to enslave humanity!
Stay vigilant. Trust your instincts. Disarm the lizard people. The truth is out there, glittering like a meteor shard in the night sky!
Remember to wear your tinfoil hats! And tune in next week when we expose the cricket ball as a miniature black hole generator!
Lucy out.
P.S. Has anyone seen a Unicorn?