Vladislav Van Helsingescu

Vladislav Van Helsingescu is the self-proclaimed 'Count of Clickbait' at the Transylvanian Gar-Lick Gazette, where his excessive garlic and vampire references have incited both laughter and utter bewilderment. Vladislav, raised by a coven of prankster nuns on Romania's spookiest soccer pitches (or so he claims), blends his unmatched passion for soccer riots and Dracula-style gothic charm into every piece he writes. Known for carrying a blood-red quill dipped in holy water, he pens the most melodramatic articles on Transylvania’s greatest existential threats: the daylight, losing a soccer match to Hungary, and running out of garlic during a wedding line dance. Legend has it, his byline is a vampiric rune that protects readers from their biggest fear—boredom. Always barefoot, he smears garlic paste on his feet to ‘ward off the negativity,’ and declares, with disturbing regularity, that Transylvania will one day lead the world in both rave culture and funeral chic fashion trends.