Bark Twain

Bark Twain, the Schnauzer Cult Chronicles' resident prophet of the pooch, has been barking about schnauzer superiority since discovering his mystical connection with his childhood schnauzer, Sir Barks-a-Lot the Third. Raised in a household that combined the teachings of sphynx cats and New Age dogma, Bark received his divine calling to preach Schnouzerism during a particularly profound game of fetch. With ink blessed by the paws of his holy schnauzer pack, he's determined to fill every column with the light of doggy enlightenment. When he's not swooning over schnauzers, Bark enjoys writing sonnets to his schnauzer shrine and eating cereal one kibble at a time.